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Welcome back to Monday Matters! This week, Will and Jen tackle the topic of understanding your identity outside of your career. They discuss how this can be particularly challenging for mothers, who often carry the mental load of running their households on top of having a career. Jen shares some insights into how she has learned to describe herself apart from her titles, and the toll that carrying the mental load can take on working moms. Will challenges listeners to learn to describe themselves in ways that align with their core values, and to align your decisions with those values. Listen in to hear the whole conversation!
This post is based on a thoughtful post by Will Parker. You can read it below:
Who Are You Without A Title?
This morning, I was in a meeting with a Mastermind group when a superintendent told me she asked her husband a question from a chapter in my book, Whose Permission Are You Waiting For? An Educator’s Guide to Doing What You Love. The question: If you had to define yourself without a title or position, or even the label of parent, spouse, or partner, how would you define yourself?
She told me she was surprised by how hard the question was to answer. Eventually, he said he was a problem-solver, and he described her as pragmatic.
The conversation reminded me of how difficult it can be to describe ourselves. In particular, I learned recently that this can be a significant challenge for moms. I learned this at a conference I attended in the fall of 2025, when two speakers, Katherine Wintsch and Lauren Fitzgerald, founders of The Mom Complex, reported five commonalities among most mothers they interview:
- Moms are filled with doubt.
- There are no such things as experienced moms (every stage is new and different).
- Moms today are rejecting perfection.
- Parenting is a team sport.
- Moms carry a heavy mental load and are just trying to survive (Wintsch, Fitzgerald, public comments, 09/25/25, check out their website here: https://momcomplex.com).
Most interestingly, they have found that women tend to self-doubt and engage in negative self-talk more often than men in their surveys and work.
With those thoughts in mind, I wanted to ask the group of Mastermind members (both women and men) in my recent meeting how they would describe themselves in a positive way instead of a negative way if they could do so without relying on their own work or home titles.
As a way to encourage this activity, I introduced the following words as ways I would describe them from the interactions we’ve had over the past five years of meeting together. Words like…
- Courageous
- Tenacious
- Committed
- Brave
- Thoughtful
- Inspiring
- Gritty
- Resilient
- Problem-Solver
As we talked, they introduced other words of their own, including:
- Wise
- Confident
- Insightful
- Funny
- Fun-loving
- Forgiving
- Gracious
- Nurturing
The challenge with an activity like this is to find a practical application. So, I wanted to make a simple one:
When you apply your most important core values to the goals you’ve set for yourself or your work, the chances are you’ll see outcomes that better reflect those values.
The inverse is true as well: When we step into our fears or ego-driven identities, or if we simply move forward based on our titles (at work or home), we either fail to experience the values we most cherish or we simply play a role without actually living into the best version of ourselves.
I know that’s a lot to think about in one sentence, but I’d like to you to take a moment and read that aloud. If it helps, say it in first-person:
When I step in my fear or ego-driven identities, or if I simly move forward based on my titles (at work or home), I either fail to experience the values I most cherish, or I simply play a role without actually living into the best version of myself.
At the time of this writing, we just wrapped up the Thanksgiving holiday. My dad, who passed last year, would have been 85 this month. One time, I asked him how he wanted to be remembered. He said he hoped he would be remembered as a man who had loved and supported his wife and family. It was a simple statement and one that beautifully summed up his values and character.
To be who we truly are may be less difficult than describing it. I guess I’d rather make the mistake of living out beautiful values like the ones above than simply identifying myself by titles or misunderstanding my true character.
As you step into your day, I’d like to remind you of something another leader said in our meeting this morning. I didn’t write it down word for word, but here’s my best attempt: “Leadership requires bravery, honesty, and hard conversations. We must be teachers or teachers. If someone isn’t willing to embrace these virtues, they should choose another profession.”
It may not be a warm or fuzzy moment to be reminded to live into your best values and qualities. But it may be helpful to realize those whom you serve know when you do.
Now It’s Your Turn
- If you described yourself without using your job title or your roles at home, what words or qualities would you choose?
- In what practical ways do you keep your decisions (at work or in life) aligned with your core commitments and values?
