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A Quick Note to Listeners:
Before this week’s interview Jen Schwanke and I take some time to answer a listener question. This week’s question is:
I’m a Secondary leader now tasked with coaching and supporting Elementary leaders. What advice do you have for me when I’m sometimes out of my comfort zone with their unique challenges?
Listen in to hear our response!
Meet Darren Melton:
This week on Principal Matters Podcast, I sit down for a conversation with Darren Melton. Darren serves as Head of School at Lincoln Christian School in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where he has led since 2023. A veteran educator, coach, and administrator with more than 30 years of experience, Darren is known for his relational leadership style, commitment to Christ-centered education, and practical wisdom in building healthy school culture.
Prior to returning to Lincoln Christian, he served as Executive Director of Athletics for Broken Arrow Public Schools. Earlier in his career, he spent 17 years at Lincoln Christian as Head Football Coach and Athletic Director, leading the football program to a 142–38 record.
Darren has also coached at Jenks Public Schools and Owasso Public Schools and has served on the board of directors for the OSSAA. He is passionate about leadership development, strong parent partnerships, and creating school environments built on trust, accountability, and care for students.
Hiring People Who Truly Care About Kids:
We begin by discussing one of Darren’s core beliefs about hiring and team development: “We don’t hire people who take things out on children.” Darren explains how difficult it can be to evaluate emotional maturity and relational health during the hiring process, but emphasizes the importance of surrounding students with people who genuinely love kids and want to build relationships with them. He reflects on the joy of seeing former students become strong leaders, parents, and educators themselves—and why character matters just as much as competency in school leadership.
Filling the Gap with Trust, Not Suspicion:
One of the central themes of the episode comes from a phrase Darren often uses: “Fill the gap with trust, not suspicion.” Darren shares how leadership teams can easily fall into unhealthy assumptions when communication is incomplete, but healthy organizations choose trust first. He explains how strong leadership cultures are built when teams feel safe enough to disagree, wrestle with hard conversations, and still walk away united around what is best for students and families. The conversation highlights the importance of humility, healthy conflict, and assuming positive intent.
Building Parent Partnerships Before Conflict Happens:
We also explore how school leaders can strengthen partnerships with parents before problems arise. Darren explains why schools must proactively communicate expectations “upstream” rather than waiting until conflict surfaces. From admissions conversations to parent meetings and athletic programs, he shares how clarity and consistency help families better navigate challenges when they come. Darren emphasizes that conflict is inevitable in schools, but trust and preparation can make those conversations healthier and more productive.
“Kids Are the Managers of Information”:
Another powerful part of the conversation centers on Darren’s statement that “kids are the managers of information.” He discusses how students naturally tell stories from their own perspective, and why parents and schools must work together carefully to pursue truth instead of reacting emotionally to incomplete information. Darren explains that discipline should ultimately be about restoration, growth, and helping students fail forward while still knowing they are loved and supported by the adults around them.
Getting Upstream from Problems:
We also discuss the importance of getting “as far upstream as possible” from problems. Darren shares practical examples from coaching, athletics, and school leadership about why leaders must clearly define expectations early and often. Whether it’s teaching procedures, communicating standards to parents, or preparing students for responsibility, he explains how intentional systems prevent unnecessary confusion and conflict later. Leadership, he argues, is often about managing small details with consistency and care.
Leading with Humility and Support:
As the episode closes, Darren reflects on the importance of surrounding yourself with great people and building cultures where staff members know their leaders genuinely have their backs. He speaks candidly about leadership challenges, reviewing systems honestly, learning from mistakes, and continuing to grow alongside trusted teams. Throughout the conversation, Darren models a leadership style grounded in humility, courage, accountability, and deep care for people.
Now It’s Your Turn:
As you reflect on this conversation, consider these questions for your own leadership:
- Where might you be filling gaps with suspicion instead of trust?
- Have you clearly defined expectations for your staff, students, and families “upstream” before conflict occurs?
- Do your team members genuinely know that you have their backs?
- How are you building a culture where healthy conflict and honest conversations can happen safely?
- In what ways could you better communicate care and support before addressing problems or performance?
Thank you for doing what matters as you lead with practical wisdom and powerful reminders about trust-based leadership and healthy school culture!
You can learn more about Lincoln Christian School at their website. Connect with Darren Melton via email at: darren.melton@lincolnchristianschool.com.
